You can’t have the cake and eat it too.

Life is like a birthday cake. You bought it yourself, you cook it, or someone can buy it for you. Either way, you can't eat all of it. In fact you are not supposed to. You either bite a piece out of it, and give the rest to everyone else. You can, if you want, keep everything to yourself, and be happy and merry about it, at the expense of being fat, or you can possibly eat all if it if you want, and if you did that, it would not be a birthday cake.

It’s just a merely plain cake, with no value to it.

Or unless you buy those bite size single cup, cupcakes that you can eat a couple of it without feeling you have done sin, but then again, no one in his right mind would only buy one cupcake for his birthday and invited the whole citizens of the republic of china but only have one cupcake. You will be cursed till death.

Oh, wait a second. I had that once. Long time ago, when my two very broked friends back in ampang, in the year 1932 during the world great depression after world war 1 in 1918 and before world war 2 in 1940s (see i still remember world history), dimmed up the light, lit up a candle and sang birthday song, and while i was being very happy and all and literally run to the cake, and was actually suprised when i saw it was only a 20 cent cupcake, which they sticked a very large candle to it (the kind you use when the electrity went off) which they bought from i don't know where. I had the impression they actually took it from the chinese small tokong in front of the apartment, because they once did that when they brought back home dozens of Mandarin oranges and gave it to me, and laughed like an idiot (crazy bastard) when i actually ate those mandarin oranges.

fuck.



A birthday cake needs to be shared. Just like the 20 cent cupcake, i actually divided it into 3 little pieces.

Oh i miss them so much.

Anyway,



Why am I talking about birthday cake?

For apparent reason, I had too much birthday cake last month. Too many of them! Not that I am complaining. In fact I am actually delighted and pleased for it because it shows that I am being loved.

There were actually 5 of it. One from the office after the faculty meeting, and after being constantly reminded about my responsibilities; one at home with family which I share with my brother and 3 other nieces and nephews who were born on almost the same date; one from my close friends in the university with some other friends around my housing area, which share the same passion like me (read: special and different) while having karaoke session in Klang; one from my pet brothers and sisters all those very popular people while having karaoke session in Shah Alam (who made me wait for an hour in a restaurant, and almost left because the were late buying cake); and another one with that someone I always talk about.

Try beating that!

All five of it bring tears of joy running through my very plumped cheek.

Hik

Enough of these birthday cake stories already. Its 2009, and your birthday is like one month ago.


Anyway, these shows that all my friends are mostly separated. I have too many groups of friends. And, they either don’t know each other, or I personally clustered them differently for different reason and different occasions. I don’t really think that’s healthy because having too many separated groups take too much energy to handle. I mean friends being friends, that you do is just get to know them and be friend with them and all, and then draw the line there. This is what most people would do, and select only a few and keep them as your close friends. But I can’t seem to do that.

Someone told me that I am too dependent on my friends and tend to get too close to them, until they become very attached to me. In return they themselves become very dependent on me and somehow the effect I had on them is too large to just be considered as friends. I got to close to them and it somehow change the relationship to more just then a friend.

Understand?

I don’t really have problem with that. Accept for 2 things. One I am always facing problems when I need to choose activities between them and later told by one side that I am not being fair, and secondly I get too emotionally attached I can really feel their pain when something happen to them, and it somehow effected me as well.

Eh, I was talking about cake wasn’t i? and I am supposed to talk about sharing.

Anyway, life is like birthday cake and about sharing and giving back what ever you have to them. Them, here refers to friends, family, my students, the neighbour, the society, the government, the country, the world, the environment and most importantly to god.

For example whatever I learned before or any training I got, I need to return it to the students, and they return it to the society in what ever way possible. Then every month, I got some pay for it, and I need to return some back to the government as taxation, some to my family, but mostly to the bank (sod it), and the institutional fund that granted my education and just keep a small potion for myself to use monthly which I somehow will give it to someone else, and keep some in the bank to use later which somehow I need to use to pay to someone in exchange of a product of service later.

And this does not only involve money, it involves many things as well such as your energy, your love, your spirit, your smile, your grievances, your sadness, your happiness and eventually your life. In fact what ever you have is not actually yours to keep. You take a small portion of it, and give everything else to others. The only thing you can keep is the memory of you sharing everything else with others. And that memory is actually not important at all. Or you ended up being call "pengungkit", so you just keep quiet about it.

And somehow, what ever you have right now are actually results of everyone else sharing and giving it to you.

Aiyaa, I don’t know what I am supposed to write about actually.

Why on earth am I talking about all these nonsense also I don’t know.

What I wanted to write is actually, this…



What you give, you will get back!


But, since i am a very nice person and always optimistic, i like to open everything with a positive notes.


You just wait. You sucker. Because let me tell you something. life is never fair, and you will be rewarded for what ever you do.


p/s : Believe me, i will always be there to look at you and share my smile when you get your back your share of life.